M Y INITIAL PLAN was to use the word family as an acronym and list ways to build a stronger family. After the bulletin was finished, I changed the acronym to H.O.M.E.
The American household is complex. Families are one-parent households, two people raising children together, stepfamilies and extended families. People whom we treat like family. We’ll look at four ways to build a stronger family using the acronym H.O.M.E.
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■ H — Have faith in Jesus Christ.
Joshua challenges the people recently settled in the Promised Land, saved by the power of God, to live in faithful response and service to God. Faith in God. Belief in God’s presence, power and grace. Service to God.
St. Augustine put it, “Love God and do what you want.” That is, if you love God, you will want to live for God and follow God’s ways.
Few of us are tempted by any gods of other nations or any gods with other names, but as Martin Luther said when explaining the First Commandment, anything you fear, love, and trust above everything else — whether that is riches, self, prestige, or whatever — is your god.
We’re called to believe in Jesus Christ, the Lord. God the Son who died for our sins. Who offers new life. A family’s foundation is Jesus Christ. Families built on trust in and service to Jesus Christ. The verb “serve” can mean “worship.” We will worship God. Or it can mean “show loyalty toward” God. Or, it can also mean “obey.” We will obey the Lord our God.
Joshua affirms his family’s faith in and commitment to God: “As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”
■ O — Open communication
One of the most difficult challenges facing families is finding time to spend together. With busy schedules, it is difficult to find time to spend with one another in meaningful conversation. Communication involves the ability to pay attention to what others are thinking and feeling. In other words, communication is not just talking, but listening. Listen to her share a joy or a challenge she faced at work. Be fully present with him as he’s frustrated with the kids’ school work. Listening to the children as they air their grievances about bedtime schedule.
It is extremely important for families to communicate. Talk in the car; turn off the TV. Eat dinner together. Schedule family meetings to talk about important issues that affect you all. Talk to your children at bedtime. Put the phone down. Joshua called together all the tribes. A big family meeting. Everybody will be in the know. No room for misunderstanding or rumors.
Israel is challenged to serve, or vows to serve, God more than a dozen times in Joshua 24.
Effective communication is almost always found in strong, healthy families. Whenever I meet with couples on their pending marriage, I stress this — perhaps more than a dozen times. Open and honest communication creates an atmosphere that allows everybody in the family to express their differences — as well as love and admiration for one another. It is through communication that family members are able to resolve the unavoidable problems that arise.
One researcher discovered that the more positively couples rated their communication, the more satisfied they were with their relationship five and a half years later.
■ M — Make and keep commitments.
Joshua asks the people to make a commitment to serve God. Then, the expectation is they will keep that commitment. Multiple times they are asked. Multiple times they respond with a resounding “Yes, we commit ourselves to the Lord.” Joshua, standing in front of all the tribes of Israel, makes the commitment, the promise, that he and his family will serve the Lord God.
At his death, the obituary for Joshua calls him a “servant of the Lord.” He made the commitment and he lived that commitment. Commitment is required in families. Spouse to spouse. Parent to child. Child to mom and dad.
Keeping commitments is not easy. It can be especially hard to keep your word since you can be stretched so thin. However, your ability to honor your commitments is a direct reflection of who you are as a person. When you break your word, you sabotage your success as a family. Honor every promise you make to others, no matter how painful it can be at times.
■ E — Extend loving forgiveness.
1 Peter 4:8: Above all, keep loving one another, since love covers a multitude of sins.
The best example of a love that covers sin is Jesus’ sacrificial death on our behalf. Jesus’ prayer from the cross: “Father, forgive them.”
While it is certainly true that out of God’s love for us He sent His Son to remove our sins as far from us as the east is from the west, this is not what Peter is talking about here. He is talking about interpersonal relationships, family relationships. He is calling us to grace toward others.
The kind of gracious forgiveness means don’t sweat the “small stuff.” Don’t deal with every little sin in your relationship. We always have a choice when we are wounded. Every time we are wronged we have to decide: Is this something that love covers? Should I just let this go? Or is this offense grievous enough that love means gracious confrontation?
Sometimes we spend too much time harping on little stuff that makes no difference in the grand scheme of things.
It’s hard to admit our failures and it’s hard to forgive other people their failures. In our marriage, I’ve needed Lisa’s forgiveness far more often than she mine. And for that, I’m grateful. On those rare occasions when Lisa needs forgiveness I extend it to her. Why? Because of my great love for her. Strong families include forgiveness in their lives.
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